The Bruins Test

“Congratulations! You are most similar to:

Milan Lucic

Left Wing

You're easy-going but physically imposing when challenged, and pressure situations never faze you.”

That’s the message I saw at Boston.com, after I took the “Which Bruins player are you” quiz. My wife administered the ten-question, multiple-choice assessment minutes after the B’s dispatched the Black Hawks, 2–1 in OT of Game Two of the Stanley Cup Final.

It was close. With a little more luck, Chicago might have won; with a little more thought on the questions, I might have selected different answers to questions such as these: What’s your favorite Boston neighborhood? What do you think of Justin Bieber? How do you answer questions about Tim Thomas? What’s your favorite city to visit? What do you do for lunch? What’s your source for Bruins news?

I tend to bring my lunch to work AND snack lightly throughout the day. And I get my Bruins news from multiple sources. But the quiz allows you to pick but one answer.

No offense to Number 17, but I’m not a punch-you-in-the-mouth, run-you-over type guy. Power to the people, not power forward. So I waited a day or two and took the test again.

In most cases, I made the same choices. Different answers on two questions, though, yielded a different result:

“Congratulations! You are most similar to:

Andrew Ference

Defenseman

You're a selfless free-thinker who believes small gestures can add up to great achievements.”

I bring home my plastic recyclables from work and flatten my Kashi cereal boxes so that they too can be recycled. I’m a defense-first sort of dude that loves the North End.

I don’t live in that neighborhood, but enjoying breakfast with my wife at Boston Common or a few slices at Regina Pizzeria—where Number 21 brought the Cup in 2011—liberates me from my worries and infuses me with purpose. Love life and help others. Support the Bruins, win or lose.

Winning at least one more game in Chicago will be a test. I trust that Lucic and Ference, and all of us like them, will prevail.

AMHL Wednesday: Over-sized Mites

March 25, 2009
Rink Two
Concord, MA

“Jimmy and his over-sized Mites,” referee Matt says to the Sharks, as Carcharodon carcharias and their reluctant coach are having more fun than a bunch of eight-year olds So while the Teal Deal manhandles the Sabres and is well on its way to earning its tenth victory, meet the top twelve reasons for the Sharks’ success.

Kate “Two Cups” Fallon: Winner of the last two Koffey Cup titles, Fallon’s 2.25 (and falling) GAA leads the AMHL. The nimble netminder attributes some of this success to downing two cups of coffee before each game.

Mike “Mr. Coffey” DeLeo: The ultimate high-energy defenseman, who usually finishes his first cup of Dunkin’ Donuts’ finest at the rink, skates with such swiftness and precision that he may remind you of that slick skater who won a few Cups in Edmonton.

Kevin “Lunchpail” Lyons: Teamed with DeLeo on defense, Kevin has also played forward. Whatever the position, he does his job without complaint. And Lyons is improving every week because the secret of his success is simplicity: Poke check pucks across his own blue line and keep pucks in the offensive zone.

Mike “Posturepedic” Seeley: Mike gets a good night’s sleep, does yoga, and is the most limber of all the Sharks. The Pride of Port Huron is also the first one on the ice and last one off. He busts his well-rested hump game in and game out. And this season, the buoyant blueliner has not only stretched his game to both ends of the ice but has also decreased his penalty minutes.

Gil “Bear” Cote: A Bruin fan and grizzled defenseman, Gilbert is a fierce competitor. He plays hurt and opponents have (dare I say it) a bear of time circumnavigating him. He makes crisp passes and will rush the puck when open ice beckons him.

“Grinder Greg” Longtine: The longtime AMHLer is the consummate character guy. His due diligence along the boards creates scoring opportunities for his teammates, and his crease-savvy positioning and persistence makes him king of the garbage goals.

Stephen “Stinky” Antonelli: His work ethic in what he calls the non-Euclidian corners is matched only by his affection for the Father of Geometry, witty one-liners, and the stench streaming from his hockey sweater.

Brian “Red Baron” Barringer. Just when opponents have him in your sights, this sneaky sniper scores again. Leading the Sharks in goals (12) and assists (13), the soft-spoken Barringer does most of his talking on the scoresheet.

Bob “the Wizard” Blizard: The AARP cardholder wields two forms of magic: Raw power and wisdom enable Bob to win one-on-one clashes with the dark forces (a.k.a Habs, Sabres, and Rangers).

Jim “the Horse” Morgan. Like the Morgan horse, which is known for its versatility, Jimmy will play forward or defense. According to the American Morgan Horse Association, “the intelligence, willingness, zest for life, and good sense of the Morgan is blended with soundness of limb, athleticism, and stamina.” Just like Jimmy.

Paul “Cadillac” Anastas. This elite and classy player (and I’m not just saying that because he drives me to work) is fast on his feet, stickhandles with authority, and makes good decisions. Anastas, the MC of AMHL Friday pickup hockey, is a luxury without the tax.

Jay “Ciao bella” Antonangeli: A member of the all-Italian team, Signora Antonangeli (pictured above) is flirting with the AMHL hockey gods. Three more goals and he’ll join the 100-goal club.

But make no mistake about this light-hearted shiver of Sharks: They know they must not only improve but also balance frivolity and ferocity if the team is to hold high the Koffey Cup.

All-Italian AMHL All-Stars: Subs, Grinders, and Goal-scorers

Sub-stitute netminder (and Wayne Gretzky advisor) John Bionelli made his AMHL goalie debut on Tuesday, and it got me thinking about an all-Italian AMHL All-Star roster.

Bionelli, who said he had played well enough for his Penguins in a 2–3 loss to the Flyers, prays the goalie gig was a one-time event. But he doesn’t make the All-Star squad, at least not as a goalie.

In nets, Steve Scansaroli gets the start. Sure, Scans is the only current goalie whose name ends in a vowel, but he’s a such a good boy.

On defense, it’s a three way competition for two starting spots. The merry Mike DeLeo, whose favorite pre-game brew is a Dunkin’ Donuts Hazelnut, is tough to play against. Fast on his feet and near perfect with his positioning, “Mr. Koffey” is a good pairing with either Bill Chioffi or Rich Yamartino, who are also spry and speedy but take a few more chances. Give the edge to Chioffi , who has more recently traveled to the mother country. Besides, Yamartino says he’s not all-Italian but rather “half garlic, half Gaelic.”

Reeking like a rotten sub is forward Stephen “Whoa Nelli” Antonelli. Garlic gushing through his pores and contaminating his shoulder pads, Antonelli—according to a former teammate and his current coach—stinks like a way-past-its-prime Prosciutto Di Parma. But, with consistent coaching, the Shark forward will, by season’s end, become a solid shut-down forward. Maybe next season, Steve. Bona fide All-Star grinders include the semi-aromatic Greg Catalano and Peter Garavito (who’s enjoying a banner season). Either one complements the more prolific goal-scorers like Jay “Ciao bella” Antonangeli or Chuck “Ravioli” Livoli. And remember Bionelli? He won’t come right out an say it, but he has the bravado of "Rocket Richard.” Bravo, "Razzo Ricardo."

Honorable mention goes to those I haven’t yet watched enough to determine their sub-stance: the Costanzas, Jamal DeVita, John Ragucci, and Joshua Russo.