Boston Bruins: My All-time Team

My wife asked me who I’d include on my all-time Bruins team. On the bench (and behind it), the list below has less to do with the players’ popularity or statistics than it soes with my personal connection to them.

Coaches:

Claude Julien, Don Cherry, Pat Burns. Who would be the head coach? Would they rotate executive leadership? I love Julien’s patience and imperviousness to those who question his line combinations. Grapes: Colourful with words and attire. Pat Burns: My wife once got special access to one of his press conferences (thanks, Steve Babineau) and developed a crush on Burnsie.

Goalies:

I didn't see Gerry Cheevers play, but I read about him first in George Plimpton’s book, “Open Net.” Cheesie was kind to me when he signed my copy of his memoir, “Unmasked.” Tim Thomas: Before the off-ice shenanigans tarnished his image, Timmy was superb between the pipes and delivered uncommon post-game quotes.

Defensemen:

Sorry Number fORR; I never saw you play and haven't met you yet. My wife and I did fly to the Big D to watch Ray Bourque, though. Ray-Ray (as my wife calls him), still wearing his Boston Bruins-issue hockey pants (magic marker couldn’t cover completely cover the Spoked B) was twenty days removed from The Trade. He logged more ice time than any other player as his Avalanche beat the Stars, 2–1. Don Sweeney, Bourque’s defensive partner, was under-sized and under-rated. One of the fastest players on any Bruins squad he played for, Sweeney’s work ethic and commitment to the Bruins lands him on my list. Gary Doak's  heyday was before my time here in Boston, but I hear tell of his shot-blocking acumen. Aaron Ward: His dedication to blocking shots and his proclivity with a stiff-arm to an opponent’s chest (as well as his fondness for the Boston Kreme) make him a favourite. Hal Gill: Yet another Boston Kreme fan, his most memorable goal was against the Avalanche (February 2003), a crafty shot from beyond the blueline that beat Patrick Roy.

Centers:

Patrice “Selke” Bergeron's demeanor and dedication to defense, as well as his face-off skills, endear fans to him. Derek Sanderson, who was also great on the draw, owned (owns?) a nobby Nehru jacket and a neat nickname. Reading Turk's memoir gave me hope for those who strive to redeem themselves. Jean Ratelle was before my time, too, but my dad (a Rangers fan) rooted for him. I’ve heard only fine things about Gentleman Jean.

Right Wings:

Stephen Herbert Heinze: I like this guy because he had the audacity to wear #57 (but not as a Bruin) and because I owned one of his game-used hockey sticks. I recall skating on a pond in Stow (MA), cradling the puck with that twig (remember my motto: wood is good). Willie O’Ree: Well-known for being the first black player in the NHL (again, before my hockey days), people respect him for his off-ice attributes. For example, he excused himself from his lunch guest to share, with my wife and me (on vacation in New Brunswick), his excitement about the Bruins winning the Cup in 2011. He said that after the Bruins swept the Flyers, he knew the B’s would go all the way. Miroslav Satan: The fire in the outside pit crackled and hissed as my wife and I joined a friend for Hockey Night in Hudson (MA). At this backyard gathering on a Saturday night in April 2010, we watched Satan score twice—the second goal in OT as the Bruins beat the Leafs.

Left Wings:

My wife’s favourite player is Marco Sturm. Whether he’s on a Bruins behind-the scenes show, wearing lederhosen, or front and center, scoring the game-winning goal in the 2010 NHL Winter Classic, Sturmie's smile is magnetic. John Bucyk: More Ukranian than Native North American, “Chief” is a happy go lucky whistler; at least that’s the way he seemed off-camera. Per Johan Axelsson: At a Wives' Charity Carnival (the year escapes me), I told him I admired his commitment to defense. “That’s my game,” he said. That was before he scored this beauty to beat the Blackhawks in 2008.

Healthy Scratch:

John Wensink played for my Colorado Rockies, but I don’t remember any of his game action. His wild hair and how his tough-guy persona is tempered by his fascination with doll houses (as documented in “Open Net”) means he belongs here.

 

 

Top Twelve: What To Do During the Lockout

On a day when I might be anticipating the advent of the NHL season, I’ve been investigating alternatives. So, in no particular order, I present activities for the would-be, perhaps used-to-be NHL fans who still love hockey (and donuts).

1.     AHL: No Evegeni Malkin or Henrik Lundqvist; no Patrice Bergeron or Brian Campbell. But Ryan Nugent-Hopkins should be fun to watch in Oklahoma City. And in Hershey, PA, Braden Holtby will get plenty of playing time. Closer to home, in Providence, RI, Jordan Caron should shine at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center, where the most expensive tickets are less than forty bucks.

2.     College Hockey: Will Ferris State advance to Frozen Four again? Will the hockey gods allow Northeastern University or Harvard University win a Beanpot Tournament for the first time since 1993? Please? Regardless of the outcomes, I may spend some of my income not on the Ducks vs. Bruins at the Garden but on a Hockey East game TBD.

3.     AMHL: If the college or AHL games are too expensive for you, consider the free admission to (early morning) games. With NHL team names, a few former D-III college players and a brand new interactive Web site, the AMHL is action-packed and embraces new fans with this mantra: “Come for the hockey, stay for the donuts.”

4.     Hockey Books: For a though-provoking read, consider Adam Proteau’s Fighting the Good Fight. And let’s say your kid plays. Whose Puck is It, Anyway? should also make you think about the best way to conduct youth hockey organizations.

5.     Hockey Name Games: Who are your favorite hockey players? No need to tell me. Contact “the Rick” at Honey Pot Hill Orchards in Stow, MA. He mans the information booth off Sudbury Road, and besides directing visitors to the Courtland and Spartan apples, he’ll also spellbind you with his rapid reverse engineering of any player’s name.

6.     Cider Donuts: While you’re at Honey Pot Hill, you must smell the donut batter. Follow your nose and stop smack dab in the middle of the donut haze generated from the farm store/donut factory. Then go eat one of these golden and delicious gems…or half a dozen. 

7.     Don Cherry: Whether you love “Grapes” or loathe him—or both—I believe you’ll find the first part of Cherry’s two-part hockey story, Keep Your Head Up, Kid, funny, charming, irritating, and insightful. (But disappointing if you’re a Colorado Rockies fan). Jared Keeso nailed the role as Cherry. I expect the second part, The Wrath of Grapes, to be equally compelling.

8.     Road Trip: I mentioned Hershey, PA already, so by all means attend a Bears game and eat the chocolate. Rollercoasters: go for it. The best ride, however, is the History and Chocolate Tour: chock full of humor and Hershey Kisses.

9.     No Check NHL: Note the double entendre. Sans paychecks, some NHLers are playing to no-check hockey and raising money for charity. La Tournee des Joueurs, also becoming known as the Quebec Caravan League, was created by Max Talbot and Bruno Gervais. This two-team tour features several French-Canadian players in games played in La Belle Province. 

10.  Books, Part II: For a more worldly view of hockey, Dave Bidini’s Tropic of Hockey is your best bet. For forget-your-underwear funny, Paul Grant’s Baptism by Ice is the way to go.

11.  Books, Part III. Ok, so I’m running out of ideas faster than you can say “Jonathan Quick got a ten-year contract extension but isn’t being paid .” Or “Taylor Swift.” But here are two novel ideas: Jack Falla’s Saved and Paul Quarrington’s King Leary. Ok, three. In case you’re not in the mood to take on a full book; you’re welcome to read my budding novel, one hockey sentence at a time.

12. Go On: Matthew Perry’s new show, especially the episode featuring Jeremy Roenick, is a hit in my household, where we’re going on with life without the NHL.

Five-holes and Donut-holes: True Stories about Professional Hockey Players and Their Favourite Donuts

There’s a hole in the title. Professional goalies aren’t the only players featured here. The title, courtesy of creative collaborator Msr. Jean-Pierre Plouffe, (a.k.a. Puckbite) is a teaser, an appetizer à la the Timbit or Munchkin, to introduce those whose skills and diligence are or were sharp enough to play professional—at any position. Regardless of their goals-against average or plus/minus rating, each of the players listed below, like those of us not destined for hockey divinity, share an affinity; dare I say weakness, for that oft-round and tasty treat: We are all rendered enervated and yield to the yeasty (or cakey, as the case may be) feast that is the donut.

For the uninitiated: The hockey-donut convergence originates from my affiliation with the best morning hockey league evah, where would-be beer-leaguers are more prone to retire to bed before midnight, awaken before dawn, and then drive to Valley Sports Arena in Concord, MA. There in the venerable arena, we partake in the conviviality—the joie de vivre of the hockey and donut dream—that the AMHL (as in 6:30 A.M Hockey League) promises. This amateur co-ed confederation of pucksters/donut connoisseurs loves hockey and the post-game staple just as much as the pros love our game and donuts.

Gerry Cheevers: A few minutes before the Bruins-Islanders game on March 3, 2012, Cheesie sat at a small table outside the Bruins Pro Shop. My wife/AMHL Photographer then went inside to purchase Unmasked, Cheevers’s autobiography, written with Marc Zappulla. Book in hand, I approached the former netminder. We chatted about his hometown, St. Catharines Ontario, the Don Cherry-Colorado Rockies connection...and then I asked him about his favourite donut. “Chocolate Glazed,” he said. “Just had one.” (A portion of the poceeds from Unmasked will go to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

Hal Gill: While the under-appreciated, in my opinion, defenseman was in Finland (during the 2004-05 NHL Lockout, Gill played for Rauman Lukko), he responded to my email query: His favorite Dunkin’ Donut franchise: “In Wilmington (MA) across from the practice rink (Ristuccia).” His favorite donut: “What else, the (Boston Kreme). It’s perfection washed down with a French Vanilla coffee.”

Aaron Ward: In 2008, at the first annual ‘Cuts for a Cause, a fundraiser for the MassGeneral Hospital for Children, I shaved Wardo’s head (true story). Afterwards, I asked him...you know... Because he lived in Carolina, the crucible of Krispy Kreme, I expected Wardo to promote his hometown favourite. “Boston Kreme,” he said. “True story.”

Adam McQuaid: In San Jose for the Bruins-Sharks game on March 22, 2012, the AMHL Photographer and I learned we were staying in the same hotel as the Bruins. As the B’s waited in the lobby for the bus to take them to the Shark Tank, my wife and I approached Mr. Mullett, a.k.a. Darth Quaider. My wife chatted about our visits to Prince Edward Island, McQuaid’s home province, and then she acquired his autograph for her co-worker. My turn. I introduced myself and the notion of morning hockey, handed McQuaid my business card, and then asked him The Question. “Krispy Kreme,” he said. I told him I’m not a big fan of that brand because the donuts are too perfect. No character. Upon further reflection, I accept them as part of the donut family, although their lack of flair could be considered akin to a mullet-less McQuaid.

Terry O’Reilly: At the Honda Center, before the Bruins would beat the Ducks, Taz walked along the mezzanine. I introduced myself and my purpose. Favourite donut? He paused to ponder The Question, so I prompted him with another: Perhaps something from the Land of Dunkin’? (By the way, I didn’t see one DD shop in California.) “Maple Frosted,” he said. I didn’t have a business card handy, so I told him if he Googled donut and hockey, he’d find me. He repeated my name, as if to consider searching for this true story.

Harry Potter Hockey: Would-be Weasleys

My "Top Twelve" Harry Potter protégés and would-be Weasleys...

Harry Potter: Sydney Crosby? Alex Ovechkin? Leading men, stars with scars they are, but they don’t wear glasses. A Hanson? Sorry Slap Shotters. My hero is the AMHL’s John Greszczuk, the unassuming one who wears glasses as he ferociously forechecks. Dark wizards, do not underestimate the Chosen One.

Ron Weasley: The redhead is best known as the Chosen One’s sidekick, but—Bloody H-E-double hockey sticks—he’s a formidable quaffle-stopper on the Quidditch pitch. Similarly, the AMHL’s Eric Schoen is best known as a goal-scorer (who earned ten points in one game) but he might someday become a brilliant Keeper.

Hermione Granger: The wonder wizard is in a class all by herself. So is Hayley Wickenheiser.

Hagrid: Big heart and tall as a tree, Hogwart’s groundskeeper is the perfect role for Kevin Durand, who played the kind giant, “Tree Lane” in Mystery Alaska.

Snape: Love him or loathe him? Don Cherry? Nope, Grapes is controversial but has too much flair and not enough hair. Let’s leave Defense against the Dark Arts to Mike Ricci (a defensive center in San Jose, Ricci also has acting experience, as Elmer Lach in The Rocket and wore a witch’s hat in an ESPN commercial).

Fred and George Weasley: I’m not sure if the Sedin brothers have a penchant for pranks, but Henrik and Daniel are tricky for defenders to track.

Viktor Krum: A physical specimen from Eastern Europe. Zdeno Chara as a Seeker, eh?

Dumbledore: Jean Béliveau, a revered and respectful leader.

Dobby: Loyal (and sometimes sneaky), Dobby does house-cleaning; “Peterborough Pete” Kokas would be the perfect house elf.

Alastor “Mad-Eye Moody”: Cantankerous. Real. Missed. Pat Burns, RIP.

And the villain? I shall not publicly malign “He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.”

Honourable Mention:

Sergei "the Magical Muscovite" Samsonov (thanks, Dupes)
Scott "the Manitoba Magician" Lauder
Merlin "the Magician" Malinowski

On the Shelf, Part VIII: Good Stuff

Image courtesy of Joe Fletcher

The saga of my mysterious upper lower-body/middle lower-body injury continues. Physical therapy didn’t do the trick, so it’s back to the doctor for a re-evaluation tomorrow. It’s a downer not playing—and worse, the not knowing what’s wrong or when I’ll be back—but Don Cherry’s Hockey Stories and Stuff has been a pick-me-up difficult to put down.

If Gordie Howe, who will turn 81 on March 31, is Mr. Hockey®, then Don Cherry, who celebrated his 75th birthday on Thursday, is Mr. Hockey Storyteller. In his book, as told to Al Strachan, “Grapes” delivers page after page of vintage vignettes, which he draws from his vast experience as a player, coach, and commentator.

Cherry’s down-to-earth delivery transported me to wherever he ventured: on the ice, on the road, and into the announcer booth. I had figured he’d include stuff about the Bruins; that he’d share nuggets about my beloved Colorado Rockies; and that he’d take me behind the scenes of Hockey Night in Canada. Cherry didn’t disappoint.

With his trademark brashness, that blunt-force honesty—that which people tend to love or loathe—Cherry sometimes made me wince. But more often than not, I either laughed (picture this: Wayne Gretzky in long—presumably—underwear) or felt a fondness for the flashy haberdasher’s delight. Cherry admits his mistakes and becomes vulnerable. This softer side shushes his insolence.

The most endearing anecdote, for me, was not about Bobby Orr or Barry Beck, but rather about his bull terrier. “Blue and I had a favourite song,” Cherry begins the tale.

I’ll let you discover for yourself what that song is and hope that you’ll find Cherry’s yarns as engaging as I did.

Thumbs up, Grapes. Good stuff.