Saturday, April 05, 2008

Revenge of the AARP: Part II

Cont'd from Part I

While AMHL veterans (and AARP members) George Morton and Brion Bickerton reveled in the glory of their performances last Thursday, Boston Bruin Aaron Ward contemplated what he would call a “cheesy” line to commence the cutting part of “Cuts for a Cause.”

Ward, a weekly guest on WBCN radio, had arranged haircuts to raise money for the cause—the Mass General Hospital for Children—for his teammates, right to left across your mind’s eye: Phil Kessel, Milan Lucic, Patrice Bergeron, Andrew Alberts, Mark Stuart, and Dennis Wideman.

The players sat in their chairs on a stage in WBCN’s crowded basement. Twenty fans, who had pledged donations to the cause and who had each brought a guest, and the Boston media—NESN, NECN, and WBZ to name a few—focused on the Bruin most likely to block a shot.

Ward, who lives in the nexus of NASCAR country in the off-season, said, “Gentlemen, start your razors.”

He sat down in the chair in front of me as I took a five-second training course from a professional from Dellaria Salons. I then placed the humming hedge-clipper near the top of Shotblocker44’s forehead. No bleeding. Front to back, I sheared a swath through the middle of his hair. After a few passes, I had missed a spot up front, but the professional to my right told me to leave it. I handed the job over to her. (Goals are nice, but I’m happy with an assist.)

Later, the venerable Bruin went to work on Adolfo Gonzalez Jr. Toucher and Rich’s twenty-one-year-old sidekick/field correspondent/whipping boy extraordinario sat serenely, awaiting his fate. Ward transformed the unfazed boy wonder into what the Bruin referred to as an Ed Asner look-alike.

Someone made a crack about the AARP hairdo. Someone else then suggested that Mr. Gonzalez, who with his horseshoe haircut and distinguished-looking black glasses, had no clue what the acronym stands for.

“The American Association of Retired Persons,” the young man said as if he were already a member.
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