Saturday, May 12, 2012

AMHL Championship Week: Top Twelve Quotes and the Koffey CUPdates

The venerable Koffey Cup (KC) has been stolen, or mayhap last season’s champions have forgotten to return the hardware to Valley Sports Arena, where this week’s championship games have commenced. Where is KC? An inquiry to AMHL Commissioner Mitchell Weiss is in order.

Until we determine KC’s whereabouts, we celebrate another stellar season of morning hockey. I present then, to AMHL fans worldwide, the top twelve quotes (what the hey, I’ll make it a baker’s dozen) from last week’s action.  

May 1, 2012
Leafs vs. Penguins

1.      “Penalty shot!” The Leafs beg referee Matt Bielak to call foul play against the Leafs Kevin McDonald for whacking and hacking at Penguin Rob Mirak as the latter skated toward goalie Leafs goalie Tyler Boudreau. Bielak, his mind already made up, raises his arms, his wrists connected and hands forming a V: penalty shot.

Mirak skates straight toward Boudreau, dekes left to his forehand and then shuffles right. Boudreau thrusts his left leg to meet the puck. No goal.

2.      “I don’t give those away like candy, my friend,” Bielak says as play is about to resume. “You have to earn them.”

3.      “You got your Marco Sturm moment,” the AMHL Photographer says to this reporter.

She’s referring to the ex-Boston Bruin’s OT game-winner against the Flyers, his subsequent power leap at the Plexiglas at the 2010 Winter Classic and Kevin MacDonald, who has just celebrated the Leafs’ 5–2 victory by raising both arms and launching himself at the Plexiglas near center ice.

4.      “You gotta against these guys...Dennis Seidenberg is my hero.” -Leaf defenseman Bill Chioffi, on why he resisted temptations to join the offensive rush and stay at home.

5.      “I know what I’m gonna where to work today.” -Chris “Donut Boy” Howell on the AMHL T-shirts awarded to the victors.

May 2, 2012
Sabres vs. Canadiens

6.      “No media in the locker room,” says Stephen “Whoa Nelli” Antonelli as he leads the victorious (3–0) Sabres into the room.

7.      KC: (think: Lenny Clarke) “It’s all good fellahs. Mitch is finally coughin’ up the dough to replace that broken crown uh mine. I know I’m not in the team pic-shah, but my career ain’t ovah ‘til I say it’s ovah. Not sure when I’ll be back. I cont make it tuh-day. But Denis Leary is taking care of me…so no need to rescue me.”

May 3, 2012
Panthers vs. Bruins

8.      KC: “Ah you for real? Boys, yah killin’ me,” he says after learning that, in the team photo, he has been replaced by a pylon topped with Kenny “KISS Fan” Tarr’s mask.

9.      “I just had to be average,” says Kenny “KISS Fan” Tarr after his Panthers beat the Bruins, 4–2. He gave all the credit to his teammates, like Peter “Focused” Kokas, who scored a backhand goal from the non-Euclidian corner.

10.  “I’m going to boycott my nose,” this reporter says as Chris Howell, his pickup truck’s radio tuned to NPR and a story about striking workers, drives through Maynard. “What?” Howell asks? “I’m going to picket” I say. “That’s bad.”

May 4, 2012
Stars vs. Kings

11.  “It’s back,” The AMHL Photographer says. KC, gleaming in refurbished glory—his new coffee cup emblazoned with the Stars and Stripes and the Maple Leaf—waits for the champions to carry him into the locker room.

12.  “Anyone need a double extra large besides me?” asks the slender Gerry Evans, the Stars’ stand-up comedian.

13.  KC: “Me and Mahshall McLean—you know he scahhed fotty-two goals for the Stahs this season—ah gonna go to New Hampshuh. He’s gonna take me to the top uh Mt. Cahdigan. Can you believe it? Me and Mahshall!

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