Saturday, August 29, 2009

Hybrid Hockey, Part II: Free Parking

Photo courtesy of Dave_7 at

(Continued from Part I at

The GM (general mechanic) has hopefully completed his tinkering, and the Boston Bruins are raring to go. And now that the “Cash for Clunkers” program is over and we’re in neutral until training camp starts, let’s focus on Bruins who will likely have a free parking space at TD Bank Garden. (Thanks to the AMHL Photographer for supplying some of vehicular vernacular below).

Tuukka “Range Rover” Rask: I don’t know why the AMHL Photographer selected this gas-guzzler for a nickname, but I’ll roll with it. Rask won’t likely play in more than thirty games, but in those he must demonstrate consistency and reliability, something the Range Rover scored poorly on in customer reviews.

Timmy “Tank Car” Thomas: “Mr. Vezina,” (thank you, Jack Edwards) is as tough as the 800 horsepower beast Jay Leno has in his garage. If the former Snub of Hockey stays healthy, Thomas will dispel those who still doubt him. (I know of one disbeliever.)

David “Cadillac” Krejci: Cadillac has introduced the Escalade, a hybrid comparable to Krejci. The shifty playmaker combines grace and gumption; power and puck-sense. And when his hip is road-ready, he’ll offer even greater MPG.

Phil “DeLorean” Kessel: Like Krejci, Kessel will be parked in the ninth level of the garage (press level) when the season starts. Although the speedy sniper’s asking price on a contract extension may have induced sticker shock, the GM believes this year’s model is worth the investment. I want to believe. We know Kessel can blast past the competition on the highway. Let’s see if his parallel parking improves, though. And will he be afraid to splash through a few more puddles?

Vladimir “Brat” Sobotka: The pesky forechecker is both a passenger car and a pickup. The versatile forward—wing or center—helped the Baby B’s carry the play, and he picked up a point per game (average). Nobody questions his willingness to go off-road, into the dirty areas. But now it’s time to replicate the consistency he has shown in the minors in the Show.

Marco “Bimmer” Sturm: He who hails from Dingolfing, home of BMW’s (the car, not the motorcycle) manufacturing facility, is built for the autobahn. Speed kills, and now that his bad wheel has been repaired, Sturmie (AMHL Photographer’s favorite player) should be back on track for at least 20 goals.

Michael “Avalon XLS” Ryder: The Newfoundlander, who lives on the Avalon Peninsula during the off-season, has proven to be a "solid performer," which is what the folks at call the popular Toyota.

Stay tuned for the final installment, to be delivered when all auto dealers’ rebate applications have been processed.
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